The time had come for a change. Ladies, you know what I mean. For the past 5 years, I have let my hair go back to a more natural color-brown (I used to dye it blonde) and got it trimmed regularly with the full moon to encourage growth. Supersticious, I know, but hey, it's hard to break old habbits! Anyway, my hair has been down to optimal length for quite some time now. It is beyond the length to achieve any real style at this point. You know, the length where only pony tails and headbands live?
There is a little something more to this story, I must confess. I used to date this guy and even though I know he's not right for me, he liked long brown hair...down to your bum-long. I think somewhere in my mind, I was keeping the hair in case he came back. I was thinking that maybe this time he would stay, if I had this long hair. Now I realize, that I'm enough. My long hair won't bring him back from wherever he is, it won't beckon him to care for me and it certainly won't change the past and make him acceptable to me now, after everything that has happened.
That being said, I had some issues this afternoon after I had 6 inches of my hair cut off. I began to feel like I was abandoning him. I know that sounds odd. During the time we were seeing each other, I was the only one he could take his important stuff to. His personal issues could be expressed to me in a safe way and he knew they were accepted in love and with real concern. I told him I would always listen and care...so now I sorta feel like I am moving away from that. I haven't seen or talked to him in over a year and a half-his choice. But I still care. I think I can care without feeling like I am waiting for him to return. It's time to move on. I can't wait for something that I know isn't right for me anyway. I'd never be able to trust him as anything more than friends. So it's good. Now if I could only convince my heart!!